Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

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(260): View more from Indiana

spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner

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(904): View more from Florida

Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."

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(434): View more from Virginia

He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.

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(514): View more from Quebec

The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.

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(858): View more from California

I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"

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(817): View more from Texas

Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.

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