I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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