I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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