Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
