He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize