I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
