you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
