I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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