there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
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I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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