Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
