There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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