I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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