she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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