butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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