I am puke
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
