I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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