he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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