Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
