I must be too annoying 4 u.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
