How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
