i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
please come you make the beer taste better
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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