I just made out with a guy for $7.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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