Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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