so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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