Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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