i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
