Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
