Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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