she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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