I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
