Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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