3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
