I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
