i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
