i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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