sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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