The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
