I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
