wrigley field is MILF paradise
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
