is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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