Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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