My hand turned me down
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
