A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
