how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
