My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
