Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
