haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
