either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
