The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we should paint friendship bongs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
