I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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