Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
