i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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