P.S. I can't hear my feet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
