I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
