I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
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I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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