just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
