dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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