When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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