You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
