i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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