Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
