the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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