Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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