it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
