I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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