so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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