maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
