Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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