She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
