saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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