yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My bed smells like the plague
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
